Saturday, June 21, 2014

I Don't Like Endings

For the most part, I haven't really blogged about my actual writing on here. Mostly, because I've been busy trying to finish writing the first draft of my second novel. The other part is because I wanted this blog to not just be a blog where I write out my frustrations. I want this blog to be a place to talk about authors I love, books I love, and things that are going on in the literature world in general. I want it to be a place for all readers. However, today I want to blog about my frustration with ending a story.

First things first, I do not think a story is ever complete. Every draft is a working draft, and every story, short story or poem has room for improvement, even if the author thinks it's the best thing they have ever written. It might be your best, but you can do better. I know I have experienced this myself, because when I went to send the working draft of my first novel to my beta readers, I told them, "This is probably the worst thing you will ever read, you should probably just read the new one when I'm finished." 

I've been bouncing back and forth between two drafts, but the current one Head Games just seems more thought-out, more planned, and more likely to get published. If it ever does. WHEN. I have to tell myself when now. I really love some of things that I've been able to spit out with Head Games, and I actually spent a lot of time researching concussions and post-concussion syndrome to really get the mannerisms of my main character Artemis' long lost father correctly. I feel so much better about this novel, but I am struggling with writing the end. It took me about a week to actually get out all my thoughts about the last chapter, and I know exactly what I am going to do with the epilogue, but man I still don't really like the ending. It just feels like it's falling flat. 

The good thing is that once I've finished writing the first draft, I can go back and fix all those plot holes I dug myself in. So I definitely know that I'll be able to make that ending my best. Endings are just hard, because where do you leave your characters? Where does their story end? I think maybe their stories don't just end at the bottom of the page. I think they stay in readers hearts, and I really want to make that impact with my writing. 

Wanting to become a writer is probably the dumbest thing I ever thought to do, but I wouldn't change it for anything.